Acceptance, approval, self-esteem, and flaws
Oh! How I wish I could just be writing this post as the “guru” who knows how to transcend self-doubt, insecurities, flaws, and all self-acceptance issues with a mere snap of my fingers! But I am not. Truth is, nobody really is such a person…
Finding out that I did not have to cater to each and every person’s need and approval was very hard for me to digest. “You mean, I don’t have to please everyone?” or “Really? I will be ok if everybody does not “like” me?” or even “It will be fine if I am not perfect all the time?”
The battle is REAL inside of us at times!
OK, let’s unpack this a bit… You have to find a way to accept yourself before you can ask others to do so. If you don’t believe in who you are, WHO will? You have to invest in yourself first and then give to the others the privilege of knowing you.
Yes, I said it: the PRIVILEGE of knowing you. You are a gift even with your flaws. Remember the post from this week? The story is very simple and direct: we all have flaws – the end.
So, as I unravel this whole concept of self acceptance and self approval, there are a few things I have learned along the way that I want to share with you:
- No, you can’t be perfect. No matter what you do, there is no such thing as a perfect person. What is perfect for one, may not be perfect for someone else or you. Concentrate on being your best YOU.
- It’s OK if someone does not “fit”. What I mean is, as pointed above, there are some people who just do not get who you are. Not that either of you is bad, but you just don’t jive… Again, do your best and it is not necessary to dwell on those “ones”: there are thousands of other people out there who will “fit”!
- Doubt will come. Yes, that is the constant on this journey… I am afraid that this one is tough indeed. You might feel like you are on top of the world and that you “Amen” each time someone says something about accepting yourself. The truth is that you will sometimes hit a bump or fall into a hole. That is a reality, expect it…
- You build your self-esteem: we can start with devising affirmations (that’s coming in the following post, so stay tuned for next week!), start your gratitude journal, surround yourself with people who love you and will support you, get counseling, and remember to care for yourself physically as well (because there is nothing like a boost of confidence when you know you look good!)
- Recognize your strong suit: You have gifts! Remember what they are. Each person is born with special abilities whether they are able to bake a mean apple pie or that they can change a tire in less than five minutes. You have talents. I recommend you start identifying and capitalize on them.
- Do not waste time on what does not matter: Such an important point!!! I have to mention it because too often, we spend a tremendous amount of time on things that do not really matter. Logic? Negative/sensationalism always sells! Think for a second: What would you tell that friend in your situation? Let’s extrapolate the truth: “Does that person really matter?” “How does the situation REALLY affect you or does it affect you at all?” “Who is really important here, and why am I letting someone else take my peace?”
Got you thinking, huh? I use those tools as soon as I detect the slightest shift. They help me get over the humps and as I go along, the journey to self-acceptance becomes more bearable.
So, YES, you have flaws, but NO, you dol not have to beat yourself up because of them. Do your best to work on improving yourself and leave out the self loathing. We are all flawed – AND it’s ok: the end.
Keep the Faith,