When your spouse is in a funk…
What happens when you are not on the same wavelength as your spouse when he/she is going through a difficult time? A funk. How frustrating for you both! On one hand, you are trying to help the person you love get through that rough patch, and on the other it becomes frustrating when you feel you are not making any headway… What do you do? Well, one thing is for sure, not talking is certainly not the solution.
When your spouse is going through a “funk”, it is not the time to sulk, to push back, or to be critical of either them or you. It is time to work on yourself the best you can to not take it all personally and to position yourself to be ready to support them when you are needed. Of course you will say that it is easier said than done, and you would be absolutely right.
It takes an extremely secure person to not have those feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. In fact, I am not so sure that individual exists if they have red blood running through their veins! The way we deal with it is what brings either more stress or relief in the relationship. I vote for talking it out. When there is an open line of communication, it is easier to get through the sea of negative that can sometimes surround us when we are in a funk. Both parties are responsible for sharing their feelings and for receiving what is shared.
Here is what I mean: the spouse who is going through the challenging time has to communicate their fear, frustrations, apprehensions, and the rest as they feel it. This not to be confused with complaining which is to whine about the situation and not doing anything about it. I am talking about processing, where one is expressing what is going on inside and genuinely trying to understand and work through the issues to better address the kinks along their way. Being in a slump does not mean that you have to build a cocoon around you and stay in there until you figure it all out. There is a time for self-reflection and for some alone time, but what I am referring to avoid the ultimate “shut down” of the other spouse to your feelings. It does not work in either of your advantages…
There are two people in this. So let’s address the other party. Your job is to be receptive, compassionate, open, and available. Believe me, when you make it about yourself, it throws a whole lot of stress into the mix. You sink right into the funk yourself! It is not about you and you have to let that stay with your spouse. You have to be ready and make sure you are filled up in order for you to cover your spouse who is lacking at that time; because if you think they have it hard, not checking yourself will take you to the “twice-as-uncomfortable” spot. Just like I mentioned above, it is not an easy task. But the more you work at it, the better you get and the smoother the path becomes. Even when you are the source of your spouse’s is frustration, there is a way to handle it where you can show your spouse that you are open to listen to what they have to say and work through the issues.
In the end, it comes down to communication. There is nothing quite like it in happy or hard times. The end result is always positive if you learn to do it the right way: calmly, without accusing each other, and staying open and respectful to the other person’s opinions and views. Hard times, difficult situations, and negative feelings will always be part of the journey. So, saddle up! When you come out on the other side together, things can get quite steamy as your relationship reaches a whole new level!
It pays to keep the Faith!