Love’s Potion: #3

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So a little while ago, my husband and I discovered Love’s Potion.  I bet you’re wondering what it is!  I have it right here for you (I feel like I’m selling you something in a dark corner down the street in the middle of the night…)  Wanna know what it is?

Yes, Love has a potion!  

Ok, you know by now we are talking about L.O.V.E.  It makes the world go round (or not!)

OH, ok!  I will spill it but it will behoove you to know that it is a widely known truth that is extremely hard to assimilate.

Here it goes:

Love’s Potion is Communication.

You might be thinking: “Duh!,” “Really???” or “Wow! How innovative (NOT!)”

But really, people, it is a big deal and because of that very attitude, we are facing serious issues in our world: just look around and you can start naming things that have gone wrong because of simple “lack of” or “miss” communication.

Take a few steps in the LOVE garden with me, will you?

I mentioned earlier that my husband and I discovered this “potion”, remember?  It is really a potion, something mystical, something precious, a treasure.  There is nothing more important than communicating.  It is at the core of relationships and once that gets corroded, the whole house comes down.

Believe me, my “experience box” is full in this department! From the previous posts, we talked about how we are to know about our love capacity, and in the other about our own self-love.  Now let’s bring it out to our relationships; whether we currently are in, or will welcome a relationship.  

When you communicate with your lover, there are two things you should know:

1) YOUR love language

2) your partner’s love language.  

Let’s unpack for a minute, shall we?

When you know YOUR OWN language, you are able to let the other person know what you like.  You see, it’s important to be able to explain and elaborate about what is pleasing to you and your partner has to know how you like to be talked to.  Identify your likes, dislikes, wants, needs, dreams, pet peeves, etc.

typoramaYour Love language doesn’t just dawn on your lover, once you know your own, you have to show the way.

So let’s move to your partner’s love language.  Inquire about the same things we talked about in the paragraphs above.  Learn how to speak to your lover, ask how he/she likes to be spoken to, operates, responds to situations, what makes him/her tick, etc.  

What I mentioned above only makes for just a few things to get you started with; it would take a lot longer to explain those concepts in depth.

It takes work and practice to be effective communicators: just like you work muscles to make them stronger, you have to work your communication muscles too.  Cliche, but TRUE.  

Here’s the thing, along the way, there is a lot of fun to be had (large grin!).  I called it “work” but it is surely some fun work in the end.  Even when you are communicating anger, once you understand each other’s communication style, you can be more effective at it.  If you want to be heard, you have to communicate in a language in which your partner will understand you.  Otherwise you are creating more frustration.  

Take for example my husband and I, we have different communication styles both in tough and good times (duh!  We are different people)  but have found ways to read each other.

When I am upset, I have to go somewhere to be alone and think about my options.  I have learned that when I am mad (and I wear my feelings on my sleeves quite low!), I have to find a spot to de-escalate or else the damage becomes greater!  So I have to be left alone for a little while to chill out.  I do want to resolve issues promptly.  When I get happy and excited about things, I am like a little kid: I am all out and express those feelings right away.

Love's potionThe hubs is different.  He takes time to process it all before any feelings hit.  So you can imagine me, the “feelings hanging all out” girl, versus the “let me take the time to see what I am feeling” guy…  It used to drive me nuts!  But we talked about it because those were things getting in the way of our relationship.  We had to COMMUNICATE about it to decide how to meet each other’s needs without loosing ourselves in the process.  

No, I am not saying that it is an easy thing to do.  I am not suggesting it is a simple process.  Some people go as far as having a mediator/counselor to get to this level of effective communication.  What I want to share with you is that Love’s Potion is a very potent element in a relationship.  It has a tremendous role in oiling the parts of the relationship machine to make it all work smoothly.  

We talked about Love here, but Communication is a potion you can drink for all relationships to be effective.  

Try it.  I promise things will only get better.  

And here’s the best part: it never runs out!

In Faith,

M

 

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32 Responses to “Love’s Potion: #3”

  1. I so agree. Communication is key to a great relationship and I have to give my hubby a big high five for teaching my how to communicate. He would say today thought, I might communicate too much!! LOL

    • LOL! You are too much, Tammy 🙂
      It is also a great thing that you took the time to praise your hubby for teaching you how to communicate. That’s good fuel for amazing communication right there: affirming one another and praising one another genuinely are great assets when communicating!

  2. Oh yes, without effective communication, it just all breaks down and so many assumptions are made about the other person. That and blatant selfishness really get on my nerves. Thankfully my husband and I are pretty good ant considering what the other needs.

    • I am glad your hubby and you know how to conduct effective communication. It is crucial to have this word in here (effective) because without the right kind of communication, we only are causing more damage. That is why it is so important for us to take the time to learn how to do it the right way.

  3. I read a book like this before which I think is interesting. I am glad authors think about things like these when sitting down and getting into the creative process.

  4. Communication in any relationship is key. I would also add listening. When we communicate with our partner we tend to forget to listen to what they are trying to communicate.

    • Great point! In fact, learning how to communicate, whether verbally or non-verbally, entails when to be listening. Thanks for the reminder, Anita, it sparked a little something for the next post!

  5. I agree communication is so important. I need to work on my own communication skills.

    • Cristy, might I suggest a couple of things? This post can get you started, and I also recommend the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. I am sure those will get you started on your journey 🙂

  6. Being in a relation communication to each other was so important, Each other was a different but you can learn to read each other when you have a good communication.

  7. This is a great post and I have to agree that communication in any relationship is so very important. Everyone had their own love language and it is up to us to communicate with each person how you feel loved. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

  8. I find communicating with my husband so difficult at times – most times! He is a procrastinator, I am impulsive – and it always ends up being teary somehow. I know I need to learn more about him and not assume he is somehow psychic!

    • Communication is something that can be learned but you have to be kind and patient with yourself in order to be able to translate it for others. Might I suggest the two previous posts to help you form your own positive “Love Potion”? and I hope they both help 🙂

  9. There’s nothing that communication can’t help solve in my eyes and it can be so frustrating when there is a lack of good communication in a relationship. So interesting to hear your thoughts!

  10. I agree that the main ingredient in a successful “love potion” would be communication! My husband and I believe that we should be open and honest about everything. Secrets on fester like splinters and eventually pop out!

  11. Thank you for this. It’s really a great post. I have always agreed that communication is very important.

  12. christina aliperti Reply September 5, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    I totally agree! Communication is the key to all relationships and making them work.

  13. We all know that communication is key but we continue to ignore. This is a great post to remind us that we already have everything we need – we just have to talk about it.

  14. Communication is the key on building a strong foundation in a relationship. It is important to be honest with feelings and sharing thoughts.

  15. I feel like my marriage is so strong because we communicate. Without communication things can get messy.

  16. Communication bridges the gap between our thoughts and behaviors. To be a good communicator with others, one first has to learn self-communication including what your mind, body and emotions are saying.

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