Love’s Potion: #3
So a little while ago, my husband and I discovered Love’s Potion. I bet you’re wondering what it is! I have it right here for you (I feel like I’m selling you something in a dark corner down the street in the middle of the night…) Wanna know what it is?
Yes, Love has a potion!
Ok, you know by now we are talking about L.O.V.E. It makes the world go round (or not!)
OH, ok! I will spill it but it will behoove you to know that it is a widely known truth that is extremely hard to assimilate.
Here it goes:
Love’s Potion is Communication.
You might be thinking: “Duh!,” “Really???” or “Wow! How innovative (NOT!)”
But really, people, it is a big deal and because of that very attitude, we are facing serious issues in our world: just look around and you can start naming things that have gone wrong because of simple “lack of” or “miss” communication.
Take a few steps in the LOVE garden with me, will you?
I mentioned earlier that my husband and I discovered this “potion”, remember? It is really a potion, something mystical, something precious, a treasure. There is nothing more important than communicating. It is at the core of relationships and once that gets corroded, the whole house comes down.
Believe me, my “experience box” is full in this department! From the previous posts, we talked about how we are to know about our love capacity, and in the other about our own self-love. Now let’s bring it out to our relationships; whether we currently are in, or will welcome a relationship.
When you communicate with your lover, there are two things you should know:
1) YOUR love language
2) your partner’s love language.
Let’s unpack for a minute, shall we?
When you know YOUR OWN language, you are able to let the other person know what you like. You see, it’s important to be able to explain and elaborate about what is pleasing to you and your partner has to know how you like to be talked to. Identify your likes, dislikes, wants, needs, dreams, pet peeves, etc.
So let’s move to your partner’s love language. Inquire about the same things we talked about in the paragraphs above. Learn how to speak to your lover, ask how he/she likes to be spoken to, operates, responds to situations, what makes him/her tick, etc.
What I mentioned above only makes for just a few things to get you started with; it would take a lot longer to explain those concepts in depth.
It takes work and practice to be effective communicators: just like you work muscles to make them stronger, you have to work your communication muscles too. Cliche, but TRUE.
Here’s the thing, along the way, there is a lot of fun to be had (large grin!). I called it “work” but it is surely some fun work in the end. Even when you are communicating anger, once you understand each other’s communication style, you can be more effective at it. If you want to be heard, you have to communicate in a language in which your partner will understand you. Otherwise you are creating more frustration.
Take for example my husband and I, we have different communication styles both in tough and good times (duh! We are different people) but have found ways to read each other.
When I am upset, I have to go somewhere to be alone and think about my options. I have learned that when I am mad (and I wear my feelings on my sleeves quite low!), I have to find a spot to de-escalate or else the damage becomes greater! So I have to be left alone for a little while to chill out. I do want to resolve issues promptly. When I get happy and excited about things, I am like a little kid: I am all out and express those feelings right away.
The hubs is different. He takes time to process it all before any feelings hit. So you can imagine me, the “feelings hanging all out” girl, versus the “let me take the time to see what I am feeling” guy… It used to drive me nuts! But we talked about it because those were things getting in the way of our relationship. We had to COMMUNICATE about it to decide how to meet each other’s needs without loosing ourselves in the process.
No, I am not saying that it is an easy thing to do. I am not suggesting it is a simple process. Some people go as far as having a mediator/counselor to get to this level of effective communication. What I want to share with you is that Love’s Potion is a very potent element in a relationship. It has a tremendous role in oiling the parts of the relationship machine to make it all work smoothly.
We talked about Love here, but Communication is a potion you can drink for all relationships to be effective.
Try it. I promise things will only get better.
And here’s the best part: it never runs out!