To Love or to use: Are you emotionally needy?

Love Series #1This concept is a little controversial and it took the better part of my first 33 years of life to get on the “awakening continuum”.  Some people get it early, but others take, well, forever to grasp the idea.

If you are looking for a mushy-mushy type of sappy post series, this is not the one for you.  We are unpacking real and raw emotions, and some of it may be a bit tough to digest.  


To all the ones who are sensitive and easily offended, I do not apologize, but simply ask you to keep an open mind and keep reading and sharing (you might not remain so sensitive after this series…)

Here we go.

Are you a Love giver or a user? Men, women, it is about time we realize we are born with everything we need to be sufficient to ourselves.  Another person cannot be made responsible for your own happiness. Of course there are always circumstances in which it is more difficult than not to make your own inner-self content; but I am talking about the people who think that someone other than themselves is be the cure to the hole in their heart.

You know who I am talking about.  The “I can only be happy if he/she does, says, looks, talks, buys for/at/to me…”  The list could make the distance around the world ten times…Love series 2 pic  

Here’s the message: Stop, and take the time to consider this.

When one is emotionally needy, it looks like the glass they are taking big gulps from will never be full enough for them to be quenched?

Do you realize that being emotionally dependent on another person automatically makes them unable to ADD to your life as designed for a relationship?  It’s like sucking the gas out of a running car or demanding shelter to a homeless person.  

Do you get my point?  Unfortunately, the person you want to love you is not able to do the job right because they are unable to unite their light to yours.  They are too busy trying to BE your light and theirs at the same time.

I know, I know.  It is a bit tough, right?  I wish it were less harsh, but the reality is that when you are a “Love user”, you pull the life right out of the very person you love.  The relationship starts to quickly fade and, just like a plant denied water for a long time, it withers and gradually dies.

Wow!  That was a post-full!  I have to break this down into a series in order to get this message across in digestible installments; so stay plugged in as we gradually unpack this whole Self-Love journey.

Remember that we all come with baggage.  We all have holes in our lives, but we all have to take responsibility to work on them and get complete with ourselves.  I know you can do it and we will be talking about tools we can use to gird ourselves with the best tools and know how to use them.

People, what this is, in reality, is my sharing the journey I have been on on a deeper level.  I want to take as many people with me as I possibly can because Self-Love is a beautiful thing once you understand that it is a gift that not only keeps giving to you, but to others around you in abundance!

Are you with me?  We will keep being real, but not unpleasant.  We will be truthful and shun sensationalism.  When we meet on the other side of this series, we will both emerge better people.

Would you keep that Faith with me?  It makes the work much less painless 🙂

With Love


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40 Responses to “To Love or to use: Are you emotionally needy?”

  1. It’s definitely easier to give love than to receive it. We should all be careful that we don’t take way more than we give.

  2. I don’t think I’m emotionally needy. But at times I can be. I am more a love giver. I tend to give too much love and sometimes thats my issue. But, my husband doesn’t mind!

  3. I am not overtly emotional at all. My husband says I am heartless at times. we have found a balance after 15 years of marriage – but boy those first 5 – 7 years were rough with his constant need for validation on everything!☺

    • I am so glad you were able to strike a balance, it’s not always an easy thing to do… Please share how you did that, we would love it on MeUnfinished!!!

  4. Good points. We can’t rely on others to make us happy. People will inevitably disappoint us and never quite measure up. It’s not fair to them or to us. We need to learn to be happy and content with ourselves, which naturally makes us more attractive to others.

  5. Quite an eye opener for all of us. Sometimes, we try to expect things from our partner to do things but when they don’t we get disappointed. We shouldn’t expect anything but show them how great it feels to do things for others and make them learn through your action.

  6. This is an important reminder that we have to be responsible for our own thoughts and emotions. It can be all too easy to rely on others to meet our needs, when sometimes all we need is to adjust our own expectations.

  7. I know this feeling from past disconnect relationships. However my husband & I after 11 years of marriage I can say we found the perfect balance for us.

    • Great, Natalie! Please feel free to share how you have been able to strike that balance: I would love it and am sure others would appreciate it too!

  8. What an eye opening post, it’s important to step back and think about this every so often. I think even when we think we are not emotionally needy overall, we may be guilty of times where we appear to be due to life changes or stress.

  9. Sometimes, I am guilty of being emotionally needy. But I’m not going to apologize for it since I have faced some major obstacles in my life and my hubby is the best emotional partner I could have ever imagined.

  10. This is all so true!! I love that I found my husband, we seem to have found balance for needs and support that doesn’t require to much work on our parts.

  11. I think this is a great perspective. I can definitely see how being a love user could put strain on a relationship.

  12. I have never looked at it like this. This post really makes me think about the state of my relationship. Wow, this is a real eye opener.

  13. Kathleen Kennedy-Leon Reply July 27, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    you have described a very unique perspective, one that many people will struggle to identify with, however I think you are on point with the fact that we need to be happy with ourselves, before we can give love to others-we are in charge of our own happiness–great blog post!

    • Thank you Kathleen! Unfortunately, I have met too many people fitting the post: which is one of the biggest reasons why I have started the series… I am glad you could appreciate this post!

  14. I have been looking at relationships like this lately and trying to find balance. Having gone through a divorce I have realized I need to be slightly more emotionally needy, I am far to independent on a lot of things and shut people out.

  15. Love doesn’t work in such a way that you have to keep asking for things to be given to you. You’re asking for a partner, not Santa Claus anyway. It’s supposed to be an emotion that allows you to let the person you love to grow with you so that both of you will improve and become better, as a couple and as individuals. It has to have respect, enough respect to actually allow your partner to live the life they want while sharing it with you.

  16. This is a great post and a great way to make you look at yourself as well. You can not love anyone unless you learn to love yourself. Thanks for sharing the information.

  17. I think I am a giver. But it’s hard to be the giver because we get taken advantage of. It’s a fine line.

  18. christina aliperti Reply July 28, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    This is a great thing for all of us to look at in our lives. I also understand the baggage part, I know I come with some from my past.

  19. I can’t deal with emotionally needy people. Not in my office environment or in real life.

    I need people to handle themselves, emotionally needy people are exhausting.

    • That is definitely the word to use: exhausting! LOL! I can understand when people are going through a rough patch of life, but for it to be constant with little effort to move forward tires me…

  20. Marielle Altenor Reply July 31, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    Wow! That was deep! I never thought of it that way but you are right. I’ve been in relationships where I felt I was doing all the loving. Let’s just say it didn’t last long.

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